


Aftershocks

by lovelydarkanddeep



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), star wars the last jedi
Genre: Angst, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), ForceBond, Hate, Post-TLJ, Sorrow, Soulmates, Tears, finding their way together, happy ending i guess, heartfelt emotions, posttlj, soul mates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 00:07:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13065015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelydarkanddeep/pseuds/lovelydarkanddeep
Summary: Rey thought it would stop.The rhythmic sound of his breathing, the dull ache of his pain, the smarting bite of his anger.She’d thought it would all go away after he’d killed Snoke.Aftershocks, she told herself, as brief flashes of him travelled down their bond.The molten scent of plasma cutting through metal.The sound of a beeping medical droid.The taste of bitter Mantrellian whiskey and the coppery tang of blood.But it didn’t - he didn’t.





	1. Part One - Untouched

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck. I wrote this in an hour maybe and then cried about it for three more. These two give me so many damn feels. PLEASE leave a comment - they make my day :) Unbeta'd
> 
> *loosely inspired by Mav's mention of aftershocks in Ch. 2 of their fic "I'll be the one to collect all the stars in your heart" :) *

Rey thought it would stop.

 

The rhythmic sound of his breathing, the dull ache of his pain, the smarting bite of his anger.

 

She’d thought it would all go away after he’d killed Snoke.

 

 _Aftershocks_ , she told herself, as brief flashes of him traveled down their bond.

 

The molten scent of plasma cutting through metal.

 

The sound of a beeping medical droid.

 

The taste of bitter Mantrellian whiskey and the coppery tang of blood.

 

But it didn’t - _he_ didn’t.

 

In fact, he was more a part of her than ever, despite his resistance.

 

It had been a week since Crait. Since killing Snoke. Since they’d fought back to back, on the same side for once in their lives, even if it was against the murderous Praetorian guard.

 

A week of sheer determination channeled into the Force from his end of the bond.

 

Because Kylo Ren/Ben Solo/whoever the hell he was was now blocking her with all his considerable strength. Blocking her from seeing him, from appearing to each other like they had so many times in the days leading up to that fateful encounter.

 

Nevertheless, Rey often wondered if he somehow experienced her as much as she did - if he, too, felt the sweat that dripped down their brow as she practiced her forms in the humid air of the early morning, smelled the dusky perfume of the Foerangia blossoms as they opened, tasted the darting flavor of citrus fruit on his tongue.

She hoped he did, hoped that he suffered for it.

 

She was hurt, and rightly so.

  
They’d been connected, sharing their emotions with one another, however initially unwilling.

 

Loneliness, confusion, anger.

 

Each one veritably present, but somehow lessened by the fact that they shared them together. As one.

 

And now he wanted to cut her off, block her from him.

 

It was laughable really. Hadn’t they realized they were strongest ( _less breakable, maybe_ ) together?

 

Even the Force found it a joke, wasn’t allowing it, slipping through the cracks in his armor to allow her to experience him, and perhaps the other way around as well.

 

_He couldn’t escape her anymore than she could him._

 

The idea had unsettled her initially, inside that stone hut on Ahch-To. Never alone with her thoughts, her feelings, always on the brink of unsurety whether their minds would bridge and they would see one another.

 

But she’d come to realize that an unwanted contentment had settled over her, one that thrived on the simple fact that she would never be alone again.

 

That at least someone would understand her.

 

And then he’d gone and fucked it all to hell with his proposal.

 

Rey lied to herself and said that she hadn’t been tempted, that she’d been firm and resilient to the last.

 

But that’s all it was. A lie.

 

In reality, she’d been in anguish for those few short moments, torn apart.

 

She knew what was right morally.

 

But she knew what felt right - _Ben_.

 

And so they came back to that same place, time and time again. On opposite sides despite being practically the same person.

 

Rey sometimes wondered if the Force was playing some kind of sick joke on the two of them, delighting in their anguish as they continuously reached for one another and yet could not bend. Could not yield.

 

She abruptly tasted a burning liquid on her tongue, both there and yet not. A phantasm that left her throat aching and dry.

 

He had begun to drink earlier and earlier as each day passed.

 

The liquid once more washed over her tongue, coating her taste buds in biting amber.

 

She swallowed and drowned in it.

 


	2. Part Two - Confliction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they actually talk in this one lol

Rey can feel herself adrift on a sea of shadows and mist.

 

Sometimes she catches sight of a figure, just one ( _she knows who_ ), or a brief glow of unstable crimson.

 

But above all, it is silent.

 

It reminds her of the great sandstorms of Jakku. She'd huddled for hours in that AT-AT, howling wind and winged sand her sole companions until they convinced her that they were the only thing she knew.

 

But, eventually, after the sands had settled, and the wind had danced away, the silence that permeated the desert left her both comforted by her survival of another day and alone by their retreat.

 

Today it is different though.

 

Today, Rey finds herself breaking the silence, speaking to the Nothing that exists in this place inside her mind, where Everything is as well.

 

To her Nothing and to her Everything she says-

 

“Stop blocking me.”

 

No response, not even a ripple in the grey shroud of mist between them.

 

“You have to stop eventually. The effort will kill you.” She echoes his own words to her from before, from their first meeting. An ironic mirroring, in and of itself.

 

It seems her choice in words has affected him too, the mist between them shifting diaphanously, awakening.

 

“You underestimate my power.”

  
There.

 

His voice is the same dark timbre, echoing slightly in this place of neverendingness. It is emotionless, neither angry nor amused.

 

Much like them, it simply _is._

 

“You’ve been blocking me. Why?”

  
A short, staccato laugh that is more anguish than anything.

 

“I needed to figure out on my own how much you destroyed me before I let you do it again.”

 

Rey blew out a breath, loud in the stillness.

 

“We both know who was being unreasonable, Kylo.”

 

She feels him flinch at his name.

 

“Would you prefer Ben?” Rey asks, venom to her voice.

 

“Supreme Leader would suffice,” he retorts, and it hits her harder than it should have.

 

“Replacing your fear of rejection with a title? How unpredictable of you.”

 

She could sense him grit his teeth, feel the burn of anger as it tore through him, before the mist fully parted and Kylo Ren stepped out.

 

“Filthy scavenger,” he snarled, svelte in his entirely black-clad form.

 

He stalked up to her, grabbing her arms in a grip that echoed down to her bones.

 

“You think it’s amusing to exploit my weaknesses?”

 

His hand travelled up to grip her jaw, harsh and severe, bruises forming from where his fingers held her.

 

“I see you. All of you. Every single aching, broken piece. Don’t be so quick to assume I won’t exploit that right back.”

 

They were both breathing heavily, souls bared and exposed.

 

Another meeting, another battle.

 

“I know all of you, Ben Organa Solo, and you still left me.”

 

The words were equal parts strong and weak, shakily said in a voice that rasped indelicately.

 

Both a confession and an accusation, a yielding and a strike.

 

Though he wasn’t wearing his helmet, the look in his dark eyes was indefinable, something Rey couldn’t place.

 

“After my parents shipped me off and Luke betrayed me, I told myself I would never come to care for another person. Because they would leave me. But I broke my own promise.”  
  
His gaze clashed with hers, their eyes so focused on each other that nothing could have torn them apart.

 

Rey inhaled, barely a whisper of breath.

 

“And I ended up the exact same way. _Betrayed and alone_.”

 

Her heart crashed down around her, the pain of his words cutting through her more than any lightsaber ever could.

 

Tears dripped down her face, liquid starlight that he caught on a gloved finger with vague interest.

 

He watched one cling to his finger, wavering silver in the non-light, about to fall.

 

It fades into nothing, into the mist it came from.

 

A glance upwards at her face.

 

Vulnerable. Broken. Determined.

 

“You were not betrayed anymore than you betrayed me. We chose our separate paths.”

 

Kylo tilts his head, gaze intense and probing as he analyzes her face.

 

“Separate paths that cannot intertwine.”

 

Rey swallows, feeling as though she - he - is again drinking that damned whiskey that sets her on fire.

“We’re on separate paths, but we’re not separate people, Ben. You and I are more entwined than ever.”

 

She takes a shuddering breath.

 

“I feel you. No matter how hard you try to block me, I feel you. I-”

 

Her voice catches, but she continues anyways.

 

“I know your breathing, hear it in the darkness when I’m falling asleep.”

 

She grabs his hand, rigid and immobile in her own.

 

“I feel your heartbeat. Know it better than my own. Or maybe my heartbeat is actually yours - _ours_.”

 

She shakes her head, his hand gone slack in her own, face unreadable but eyes intense.

 

Her next words are whispered, barely audible despite the penetrating silence of this place that they’ve carved out inside themselves.

 

“I don’t know anymore where you end and I begin.”

 

The words are a plea, a call, a benediction.

 

At first, Rey is sure he’s going to leave, to disappear, so when he moves, her stomach drops out from under her.

 

But instead, against all likelihood, he presses forward until their foreheads are touching, breathes intermingling, eyes locked despite their closeness.

 

“I’m being torn apart,” he whispers, his breath her own.

 

“I know what I have to do but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.”

 

Those words, echoes of a moment long past, clench at Rey’s heart, makes it hard for her to continue to inhale.

 

“ _You_ don’t have to do anything, Ben. You’re not alone.”

 

She breathes again, the air between them flowing with the Force.

 

“Not anymore.”


	3. Part Three - The Resolving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> woohoo the end - short and sweet

He stares at her as though she is the sun, both blinded and entranced by her.

 

Perhaps that is why his eyes turn glassy and a trickling river of silver runs down his face.

 

Rey brings up her hands, wiping away his tears on both cheeks.

 

“You’re not alone,” she says again, and more water falls.

 

And then she’s kissing him, wet and salty and sorrowful. But sweet with the hope of tomorrow, dancing like honey on their tongues.

 

She repeats the words again, a mantra, and he gives a low sob against her lips, dropping to his knees in front of her.

 

She does the same, holding him to her, caressing his inky tresses with trembling hands.

 

Holding him while he sobs for what he’s done and who he is and who he could be.

 

It’s only after he’s done, red-eyed and empty but free, that Rey gets an answer.

 

“Neither are you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why do i write this stuff. fuck.


End file.
